The Gratitude Journal: Entry 2
It’s been about 5 days since I touched down in NYC for my summer working in Lincoln Center. I am settled into my place, met my coworkers, and completed training for my summer job. It is amazing how many times I have said the word gratitude. From the moment I stepped out of the airport in Newark, I just kept reiterating to everyone around me how grateful I am to be here, because it’s true.
Me working for Page XVII by Jasmyne S. During New York Fashion Week, Sept. 2017
I’m so grateful to be here, because while it’s not under a capacity I would’ve ever imagined, it’s providing me the structure I desire in a job, within the city that I’ve always loved so much. This isn’t my first time in NYC. I’ve been here twice, both times I was either visiting or volunteering. This is the first time I’m here and I feel safe and secure. I have my own little space, and I’m making the best out of every moment. I’m grateful for the safety and security I feel here now. I’m grateful for the ways in which I have grown to allow me to be open and prepared for an opportunity such as this.
In our second day of training, we did an icebreaker where we talked about ‘elephants in the room’. The elephants were different things that we deal with that the students that we serve may also feel. The one that stuck out to me was loneliness. Anyone that knows me knows that I love my family and friends to the ends of this earth. With that being said, it’s always difficult for me to leave my family in any capacity. I cry like a baby every time my mom drops me off at the airport. Anyone else can drop me off and I’m good, but there’s something about my mom dropping me off that makes me emotional. I think it’s because while I’m so excited for the opportunities that await me on the other side of the plane ride, I don’t get to experience those things with my mom, or for that matter my dad, brother, sister, or really any of my family and friends. A lot of times, when I’m going, I’m going alone. However, I am grateful for the ways in which I can still communicate with my family throughout my time away, and I’m grateful for the technologies that allow me to share my sights and views, so that I can bring them with me in a way, and they can see what I see.
When you’re able to look at the bigger picture of life’s various challenges and situations, you will find that there’s always something in the granular details that you can be thankful for. In sharing my feelings of loneliness surrounding being away from home in this city, I was able to garner more support from my team, and be the voice for everyone else to feel comfortable in sharing their insecurities around loneliness, imposter syndrome, and other things that we all deal with. In that moment, I was so grateful for being me, because my outspokenness was what allowed me to heal in that moment, and help others heal as well. Those tears were cleansing to my soul, because it was me releasing those feelings about ‘not seeing my family again’ or ‘not being present at family events’ or ‘not hugging my mom for 5 weeks’ or ‘not being there for my dad’. In that moment, I was so grateful for my team. The ‘thank you’s’ and the hugs, and the overwhelming amount of support I received from them was something that I will always cherish. Because while I’ve been to the city before, this was the first time I have a network of people around me that are going through the same thing as me, and we can all be there to support each other while going through this thing.
I”m grateful for the way that I know I am exactly where I’m supposed to be for this season in my life. I talked in my last entry about how I had to go back to education after losing my first job in the fashion industry. Going back into the classroom helped me to remember the importance that education plays on everyone’s life and society as a whole. It also helped me to realize just how valuable I am not only as a person, but as an educator. According to the National Teacher and Principal Survey, Black men accounted for only 1.3% of all teachers in K-12 classrooms in the 2020-2021 school year. I’m happy to say that I was and am part of that 1.3%, but overall, that means that there are so many children who aren’t seeing black men in multiple spaces in their lives. I know I’m where I’m supposed to be because everywhere I go, I feel needed and necessary. I was just telling my coworker today that that’s a big thing for me. I love to feel like someone needs me for something. I love helping others, always have and always will. Education provides me the opportunity to help others and give back on an hourly basis. Also minute-by-minute basis. That also means that in the role I’ve taken for the summer, my representation matters so much more.
I am working at a dance training academy in New York City for their summer course intensive. If you know anything about ballet, you know it’s a very rigid art form that has had multiple criticisms over the years for being racist, fat-phobic, and not an inclusive space for all dancers, let alone people. As the one black male on the staff for the summer, and the one black person on the summer staff, I recognize that my presence is extremely vital to the mission of the school, which is now to cater to the holistic well-being of the child, instead of hyper focusing on artistic and teaching excellence. I grew up loving and participating in the arts. Watching my sister dance is some of my best memories in life, and the art form has always brought me great joy. However, to now be at the epicenter of the American Ballet world, and getting to work with the up and coming talent of the best ballet companies in the world, it makes me that much more grateful to be here.
But looking back, I’m grateful that I didn’t allow the lack of recognition for my work stop me from doing the work.
I previously talked about how I wasn’t able to feel recognized in a lot of my jobs in the past. However, at this one (so far), my experiences bring so much to the table. They allow me to be even more present in this moment, because I’ve done the work in preparing myself by working with children every single day. It was the thankless days at school where I knew what my purpose was, but still felt it difficult to push through because I didn’t feel seen. Again, not that it’s the most important thing to get shout outs at work, but I’m human, so yes I love a good pat on the back and a ‘good job’ every now and then, who doesn’t? But looking back, I’m grateful that I didn’t allow the lack of recognition for my work stop me from doing the work. I’m grateful that I continued to show up and show out for my students, because I know that I’m providing them with experiences that not many people care to give them. I’m able to be a teacher, a father figure, a big brother, a coach, an uncle, and so much more. I used to bring my sewing machine to school, and the kids would bring me clothes with the tiniest of holes, JUST to experience what it’s like getting something altered. When I created a recording studio in my classroom, suddenly everyone wanted to rap and everyone wanted to hop in the studio. Once I finally trusted them, my camera became their camera. Whatever I’m doing, they want to do it too. Whitney Houston said it best, ‘I believe that children are our future, teach them well and let them lead the way.’ That is a philosophy I can stand behind. While I know I give so much to my students, they’ll never know how they have picked me up on my lowest days. How their smiles, their hugs, their laughs, their questions, their conversations all help me to continue in this life. They honestly give me hope for our future in their own ways.
Now, I get to work with students who I showed my students to inspire them to go for their dreams. Not too many students get to come to NYC for the Summer to study dance at a world-renowned ballet school. I now get to take the same things that make me Mr. Jones at home, and be Rickey here. I now get to work with a team of adults (some older, mostly younger) who I can learn from, and they learn from me as well. I get to be a ‘black face in a white space’ as it was said previously, and I’m so excited for that opportunity because I know it will only help us all grow.
I can’t think of many people on this earth who know me as well as my best friend Madison does. She’s my day-one college best friend (we literally met on the very first day of Retreat Week almost 10 years ago), and we’ve been through so much together. However, we’ve always supported each other throughout life and have always been there for each other. Madison knew I wanted to live and work in New York City since the first day we met. It makes it that much sweeter that she can articulate these words to me now, almost 10 years after we met: ‘I catch myself just BEAMING as I watch your stories. Like, my best friend is having a dream realized after years of hard work, set backs, determination, and TURST in divine timing.’ I am so grateful for Madison and our friendship, because she’s more than a friend she’s really my family. I’m also grateful to have someone like her to pour into me, and to have her proud of me for working hard and sticking it out even when it’s been hard. I’m going to use Madison’s words in my “I am grateful for…” statements, as I close:
I am grateful for hard work, the concept and the action. I am grateful to be a hard worker. I am grateful to know that I am a hard worker, and my work is meaningful and necessary.
I am grateful for the set backs in life, because they’ve given me the time I’ve needed to reflect, to change, to grow, to shift gears, all to propel me forward for a greater come back..
I am grateful for the determination instilled in me from a young age to reach my goals and achieve my dreams. I’m grateful for the perseverance that it’s taken to see these goals and dreams take shape, and that I never gave up, and I won’t start now.
I am grateful for trust in divine timing, because while I didn’t always know how, when, where, who, what, or why things happened to me, I always knew the divine timing on things would always work out for me in the end. I am grateful that I trusted the process, and didn’t skip steps in working to achieve these goals of mine.
I am grateful to now understand that the work never stops. That there’s always more work to be done. However, I am also grateful to be able to acknowledge for myself that I have and will continue to do the work.
I am grateful for education, because it’s way I make the biggest impact in this world, and that is on the children. I am grateful that I get to show up and be a blessing to children who need it. I am grateful to get to work with the best and brightest of the future, in the present.
I am constantly grateful for the people in my life who see my hard work, my determination, my passion, and my drive, and authentically support the holistic me. In every capacity of that statement.
I am grateful for Madison, our friendship, and how we’ve inspired each other to live our dreams, do the work, and live our best lives.
I know I’ve said it before, and I’ll never stop saying it… I AM SO GRATEFUL!
Sincerely,
Rickey